Coincidence... I don't think so!

 
                                        
   

   

          To be honest I was a little hesitant to share this with all of you, but I feel that this update is a bit over due. It has been over a week since my last update and my prayer request, and the response was overwhelming. For those of you that are not Christian, the rest of this post may not make sense but I urge you to read it anyway. Non believers will often ask, how do you know if prayer works, you can’t see it, you can’t touch it, and you can’t feel it, but I am about to disprove that theory in a big way.

      

          Being a person a faith can be tricky at times, you are never sure what or to whom you can share your faith and you are never sure if the unfaithful will even understand it. For me this journey has been one of trial and error, a rocky road at times but ultimately the best expression of my growth. I believe that there are no coincidences in this life, but small gifts of Gods love and proof that He performs tiny daily miracles that most of us simply take for granted. When we ask God to show himself He can do it in the most unspectacular way if you are not paying attention.

      

          I have always known that prayer is powerful; even as a little girl, but if I am being honest I thought that it was for people far more faithful than I. Like it is a complicated play with unique and spectacular scripted lines. I used to think, “Why would God listen to me when there are far more faithful people that pray far better than I ever could” “I will just let them go ahead and handle it” that was until I felt first hand just how powerful a quick prayer from many people, sometimes in the hundreds all at once can be. In the past week I have felt God closer to me then I have in most of my recent walk and I credit all of the faithful that took the time to read my post, and stop to simply pray. I am guilty as any ‘good’ solid Christian would be of allowing myself to see a prayer request and just skip on by it, convinced that it had nothing to do with me, somehow hoping and praying (excuse the pun) that someone other than me would stop and “take care it”. My thinking was always, there are planet full of other more faithful Christians that will stop and fulfill this request, certainly God doesn’t me to do it” But I am here to tell you that I was wrong. To say that I felt each and every tiny prayer from all of you is a bit of a understatement and nothing can make that more clear than what I am about to tell you all. On Jan 27th 2013 I posted a call to action, based on the request for an update I simply provided you all with a prayer request for peace, direction and healing for my Husband Eric. Over 250 people read my post and prayer that day. For two days after that request I felt the most intense sense of peace I had ever experienced in the more than 10 years since I became a born again Christian. Knowing, and sensing God in that way is a feeling that I cannot describe but I am going to try by using two very distinct examples.

          Recently atop the mountain of life that I have been trying to climb, God placed two words on my heart. While listening to K-Love during the 30 day challenge that I began on December 7, 2012 and have faithfully followed now for nearly two months the DJ asked a simple question of the listening audience. “What word or words has God laid on your heart.” My words were simple, “struggle” – (With purpose) and “forgiveness” Now I; like many other faithful Christians have a issue with Forgiveness. I am not easily able to forgive myself and I often hold a grudge against others because for me it is easier. The pain that it yields, allows me a strange comfort in my anger. Anger for me is hard to let go, and as a sinner it is even harder at times to admit. Because I know that I need help with this; my Pastor has been generous with his time the last few months in assisting me to sift through my anger and face my fears, which are many in this steep valley of shadow. During one such session, the last in fact both of us experienced something that neither of us have often had the privilege. I have had some such instances in my walk, but nothing as powerful and as complete as this.

          Divorce is ugly and as we all know, and God despises it, more so because when we marry we make a promise to God and all who witness it that we will love, honor and cherish our mate until death, but some of us in our weakness and lack of understanding choose to walk away from a broken marriage rather than fix it. We blame youth, or the other person but in a rare occasion a relationship just simply cannot be salvaged. I am not ashamed to admit that I was guilty of this sin, but I felt that I had, by this point asked for the proper forgiveness, however God will allow circumstance to remind us that Divorce is evil and selfish in nature and not tolerated without consequence. As a Christian; I have taken many opportunities to pray for my now estranged husband, simply because I felt he was due. I would pray for health, happiness, prosperity and try to offer any support that I could knowing that this was hard on him and I was the cause of his pain. Some might call that guilt, but felt as though it was somehow making amends. I prayed that he would find someone to remarry and be happy with. Recently he did find a new mate, but with that he also found distain for me, despite the fact that I had tried so hard to maintain civility for the sake of our children. In his latest attempt to hurt me, he chose to accuse me of horrible things in my current marriage which just deepened my resolve to prove my love for Eric more, but more over he accused me of being a bad mother. In my long term attempt to be civil I had offered him more information than necessary regarding the use of the support he had been providing and he used that information against me to prove a case that I was somehow misappropriating the funds. The details of this are immaterial, other then to say that he decided he no longer wished to provide the court ordered child support, so he justified a reason to stop. Eric’s illness coupled with the loss of these funds has made things a bit more difficult and made me a bit more resentful towards our circumstances.

          During my last meeting with my pastor I spent a good portion of the first 10 minutes in hysterical sobs. Suffice to say I was in full ugly cry mode, complete with snot bubbles essentially shrieking at God, about my misfortune, and paying no mind to the fact that I was a hot mess in front of my pastor. Then suddenly and without warning I stopped mid outburst --- stunned;  my pastor just peered at me in utter confusion. Apparently the color had begun to drain from face and he could see a visible calm come over me. Now for some, this next part may be hard to believe, but I know what I heard. God spoke very clear and distinctly right into my heart in what I can only describe as a merciful whisper, He simply said “ You must let this anger go, there is no more need for it” All that is consuming your mind, the worry, the resentment the fear is useless, I have it under control--- please do be afraid and do not focus on this further it is now time to simply let it go” and a rush of warmth and peace consumed me as the Holy Spirit enveloped me. And just as quickly as the pain had come over me, it was gone. The hurt, the worry the resentment, vanished; and in its place, was intense warmth and a calm that I had felt only a handful of times in Christian walk.

          I believe that God sent His angels and the Holy Spirit to hold me at that very moment, just as he had when I was child, and just he had days before through all of you that had taken the time to pray for our little family. I am still unclear how He will take this burden from us, in fact I am unclear how any of our burdens will be overcome but I want to be as concise as I can when I say that this was a blessing of magnitude that I hope to experience again but hope I never need. The pain associated with it was far deeper than I wish to revisit. But the comfort it provided was priceless.

    

          I was offered proof again today that God works all for our good and even something as small as what we dismiss as coincidence is God performing a daily miracle.

          As most of you know our home went under contract for sale, and one of the other burdens that I was allowing to consume my mind was the fact that the buyers lender had decided that they would not be closing our loan in the time line provided. Since I work in the industry I am fully aware that this can become an issue and I had prepared myself for it, but when it became a reality I was not able to accept it. Like a child a began to fuss and throw a fit, in the whiniest most annoying voice I could muster I complained to anyone that would listen about how unfair it all was. I scoffed about how this circumstance although not uncommon was unfair because it was happening to me! I did everything that I could to make everyone around me understand that I was not willing to tolerate it. I know that worrying about something so incidental to most seems silly but to me I felt as though my word was coming apart at the seams. Even though my goal was to leave town and God had made it clear to me that it was time to go, I could not understand how delaying the closing on our home was still a clear sign to move on? I spent the better part of two full days allowing this fear and worry to consume my every waking minute, even though I knew that people were praying for clear direction for me in this regard. Then suddenly I got the same sense of peace, I had just days earlier. I quickly began to realize that God was in control and no matter what if any control I had over this situation it would work out. I didn’t know how, I just knew it would! (it had to, right?) Then today almost as if it were expected, the lender gave an update to the realtor that we were back on track and would be able to close on the date that was provided on the contract except that they would need one day of extension. I am starting to learn not to ask questions, and to understand that God has plan and it all happens in His time. If they need one day instead of two weeks, I am not going to complain! Some might say this is just coincidence but I know my God better than that!

God will move this mountain.

John 14:13 

Whatever you ask in my name, this I will do, that the Father may be glorified in the Son.

          It is with a grateful heart that I address all of you today! I have come to two very important conclusions, Based on my flurry of Facebook updates I imagine the I have offended some while strengthening the resolve of those strong in faith and the only thing that most of you are willing or able to  do is inquire of our situation. Although we do not mind, we are not entirely sure how to address it. Eric and I are very private people, so to be honest it is with much prayer and angst that I am willing to offer you all this update. Some have tried to offer support, but most do not know the hardships that we have recently faced so that can be difficult. But through God’s strength and Grace alone have we begun to win this fight.

          I want to first begin by  just saying “Thank You” to all that have respectfully inquired and offered prayer to us in our time of need. I will not say that we are in despair since anyone who has been in a similar situation with a similar Christian background knows that there is simply no room for despair, but only time for Praise and prayer. For those of you that understand this, I am eternally grateful! Again we are very private people, so you must know that for us to ask for help takes a great deal of trust, but we have faith that God has given us the strength to endure and the faithful to pray!

          Eric and I have been married now for a little over 6 years, and in that time I have grown to love him more than I ever thought possible. To love, honor and cherish him in sickness and in health, for richer or poorer and  till death do us part has taken on a whole new meaning to me in the last 6 months however. A marriage can suffer and die often through far less turmoil than we have had to face, but I am confident that this struggle will only bring us closer and make us stronger. For many years my husband has been ill, not mildly ill, but by most standards severely. As one of the strongest men I have ever met when faced with a debilitating illness he has been able to persevere, but even the strongest man can sometimes fall. In, 1998 he was diagnosed with a common condition known as Ulcerative Colitis, There is no delicate approach to this disease, to be honest there is nothing delicate about it, and there is to date, no cure. By all accounts it is one of the most embarrassing conditions that a person must endure, but for many years my husband has handled it with a grace and a dignity that can only come from a true man of God! This condition although not rare entails for him very rare and uncommon side effects.

          Two years ago we were told that one of those rare side effects was a failing liver. Most healthy people can regenerate the liver  but in his case due to the most recent flair up and the ravage of this condition to his body he has been unable. Through intense prayer two years ago we were able to avoid placing him on the donor transplant list and he had for all intent and purpose gone into remission. However due to this most recent flair up, we are once again faced with a very real and scary proposition, and far worse than before. We refuse to believe that it is imminent however. About six month ago, my husband came to me and said very simply, “I am ill”. Once again in the blink of an eye, our world changed. We had some tough choices to make very quickly. My children had to leave the only home that have known for 7 years, and move 1100 miles away so that my husband could be near his family and get the support that he needed. We made the decision that I would stay in Denver in order to sell our home and continue working to provide the much needed health insurance that our family desperately needs. Our intent was to sell our home quickly so that I could be with my family, but that was not the case. Praise be to God that although it took several months in this tough economy we finally found a buyer for our home. This prayer was answered for us, and although not ideal it will provide much needed fiscal relief.

          Just recently Eric was once again admitted into the hospital for complications related to this condition. At this point his body has begun to give up the fight, but we have not. Some of the issues that he faces on a regular basis are extreme fatigue requiring blood transfusion, stomach cramping so severe that he can not sit up right, severe dehydration, and malnutrition just to name a few. The complications are so severe that his liver is not longer capable of regenerating itself. At this point we have exhausted all of the medically sound options regarding medications available to us except one. Medical professionals, when faced with no other alternative prefer to cut and remove, but as believers in Christ we have faith that God gave Eric a liver and a colon and our goal is that he keep them both. Radical as that sounds, to us the alternative may be far more debilitating! The complications derived from replacing his liver and removing his colon can supersede that of healing the ones that he currently has.

          We want to believe that we still have options and that God can move mountains, we also believe that this terrible disease can once again be put into remission! So now we are asking the body of Christ and all that believe to help us, in concentrated prayer!

          For two weeks my husband lay in a hospital bed 1100 miles away, and I felt powerless to do anything for him. When I posted a call to action loving Christians, some of which I have never even met,  stopped what they were doing and answered the call, and for that I am forever grateful! Praise be to God that He heard and answered our prayers.

          For those of you that have asked, Our request is simple, We must pray that God delivers him from this illness once again. We want to prove through the power of prayer that God can guide the hands of the medial professionals to heal him from the inside out! He is home now, but the road ahead is still a very rocky one. So my goal is to focus on the positive and bring light into an otherwise dark place. So if you have a minute take a second to pray this simple prayer with me: “Lord Jesus, we ask you today to be with the family of Eric Voigt, provide them clarity of strength and Peace to move through this trying time.  Lord Jesus we ask for healing though Your Grace and Mercy if it be your Will and through your strength in Jesus name we pray -Amen”